i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
