he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
