remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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