Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
