If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
