So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
