my mouth tastes like poor choices
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
No subtext here. People are naked.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
