Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize