My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
