JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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