I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
vagina is talking i cant
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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