If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
