I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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