Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
