I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
