You smell like stripper and shame
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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