I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
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we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
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I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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