If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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