in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
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These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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