After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Be still, my beating vagina.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
