So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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