Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
