I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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