I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
