I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
