I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
