we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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