I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize