I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
