it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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