walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
