The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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