A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Even the bartender felt bad for me
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We had sex on a dog bed..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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