they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We left the knife in your bed.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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