cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
