Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sext me about skeletons
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
