Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
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