I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
