I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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