I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
In America we eat man semen.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
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