before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
