Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
