that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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