I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
