You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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