goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
