we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
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Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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