I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
