...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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