Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
