He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
