we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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