How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
