I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
