How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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