I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
