fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
