I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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