Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
is wine microwaveable?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
