I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
