so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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