Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
