You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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