Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
