Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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