I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
