So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
