someone get that fucking seahorse.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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