My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
