you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's official drugs can't kill me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
