I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
tell your sister to shave her snatch
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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